Start healing your relationship with food
Food. Love it or hate it, you’re in a relationship with food. Food fears, food anxiety, and body dysmorphia are at an all-time high post holiday indulgence. You may still be unpacking mentally and physically from seeing family you haven’t seen all year. You may have wanted to present how well you’ve been doing; unconsciously equating thinness to having a more successful year. In a less positive scenario, you might have family members who grew up in an age rife with diet culture and you are feeling anxiety around seeing them and being the target of their inevitable comments. Often times we throw our normal sense of nourishing and healing foods out the window to just partake in all the sugary sweetness. Now that it’s 2023 you have promised yourself this is the year you get your “body back”, “get back on track” or “heal your gut”.
Even as a health professional, I still struggle around this time of year. I want you to know you are not alone. Whether you’re experiencing mild anxiety or full-on disordered eating this post is a “how to” on healing your relationship with food, and as a positive side effect – your body and self too.
DISCLAIMER
This post is not intended to replace professional help and care. If you suspect you or someone you love is suffering from an eating disorder please seek professional medical and/or psychological help. If you are on this healing journey and want to prioritize your health. Reach out to me at Strengthen Wellness.
But I think my relationship with food is fine?…
Many people do not even realize that the thoughts and behaviors around food and their bodies are not healthy ones. I didn’t realize how complex and entrenched my unhealthy relationship with food was until I signed up for my first neuroplasticity course. The concept of neuroplasticity challenges the once-held theory that the brain is a static organ and refers to the brain’s malleability and ability to alter in response to stimulus and experiences. Different behaviors, fresh learnings, environmental changes, and physical injuries may all cause the brain to grow different new pathways or reorganize existing ones. These changes can fundamentally alter how information is processed, and so both the brain’s physical structure (anatomy) and functional organization (physiology) can change. What I learned in my first course blew my mind.
So how can you start to understand if you have a poor relationship with food when it comes to healing your gut? Are some of the thoughts and behaviors below ones you regularly find yourself thinking and acting out? Do you:
Label foods as “bad” and/or avoid food groups altogether.
Skip meals after you had “bad” foods earlier on that day or the day before?
Avoid eating with others.
Avoid social events where foods on your bad list will be in abundance.
Prefer eating alone because you don’t want others to judge your choices as odd or too healthy.
Use food as a reward system and/or as punishment.
You eat differently in response to certain emotions like anxiety, disappointment, nervousness, anger, or sadness.
Your food choices determine how you feel about yourself and/or your day.
Restrict yourself before holidays/ big events.
Constantly try new diets, shakes, or supplements even if you are not experiences GI distress.
Weigh yourself and allow the number on the scale or your current clothing size dictate how you feel about yourself and your food choices.
Not remember a time when you were not “dieting” or limiting foods to heal your digestive symptoms.
You feel the need to work off the food you eat.
You are inflexible to new foods or even others dishing up food for you.
Deny yourself the food you enjoy because it deviates from what you believe you should eat.
You identified yourself in at least 5 of these
Identifying with some of these conditioned responses does not mean you have a bad relationship with food. But if you identified with 5 or more of these, it is worth examining your relationship with food and if you’d like it to improve.
It honestly scared me to write this list because MOST of these were behaviors and/or thoughts I used to have. I thought these were the thoughts of a health-conscious and normal woman. I’m here to tell you having all of these are not what a healthy relationship with food looks like. It can be empowering to know you’re not alone AND that you don’t have to live this way.
These behaviors and thoughts are taking so much of the precious brain power that you could be using to be more present with your loved ones or chasing that purpose. The scariest part for me wasn’t that I had said yes to 10 of the points above. It was more that I said yes and still didn’t think I could change. These thoughts and behaviors keep me safe, right?
Wrong.
Why heal your relationship with food
A healthy relationship with food is one where food is seen as fuel only – both for your body and soul. You can listen to your body’s cues as well as what you are craving. There’s no need to binge because there are no “bad” foods that you are restricting. You are not constantly thinking about food and how it will make you feel because you know what foods are truly nourishing for the body . You stop eating when you are full and you feel no guilt in enjoying the foods you once deemed as “off limits” is now your norm. And you can now enjoy that healthier option when it is what you want without wishing you had ordered something else. You have come to realize restrictive diets don’t really work and never have. Trust becomes an integral part of your relationship with food and yourself because you know your body will let you know what foods it needs and how much of that food to eat. You realize there will be days you eat too little and too much but you no longer punish yourself or feel shame and guilt around those days and/or your ever-changing body.
Sheesh, isn’t that the dream? I striving towards this ideal with all my clients. Your relationship to food is an INTEGRAL part of gut health (hence the term: gut, brain connection). How you feel while eating and/or about your food directly affects how your body responds to food. I’ll expand on this connection in a bit. First, let’s dive into why I am so passionate about healing your relationship with food.
The paragraph above showed you ALL the reasons it would be incredible to heal your relationship with food. But an important aspect I want to shed some more light on is the impact your relationship with your food has on your gut health.
The fact that you feel nauseous before a big presentation, butterflies at that cute moment, or a stomach ache when under a lot of stress all indicate that your gut and brain are closely connected. This is precisely why I incorporate neuroplasticity with most all my clients. I understand that the gut controls everything from absorbing nutrients to what you crave. And our guts are directly linked to our emotional state.
This means how you perceive the food can impact factors like how much you eat, how soon you get full, how much you enjoy the food, and even how much (nutrients and calories) is absorbed. This was both a terrifying and exciting discovery. Terrifying because an alarming rate of women have negative relationships with their food and their bodies resulting in not only the emotional issues involved but also stomach and intestinal problems like IBS, bloating, cramping, and loose stool.
Healing your relationship with food won’t only impact your relationships, willingness to engage in social activities, and how you feel about yourself and food; it is also a key component of gut health. This is the very pinnacle of holistic health. Now with more stressors than ever, is the time to heal your relationship with food to relieve you of one more of these daily stressors.
WHY HOW YOU EAT CAN BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT YOU EAT.
This link between the gut and the brain is also fascinating. Let this knowledge empower you to know that with small and consistent steps you could heal more than your relationship with food, you could also directly impact your health by how well your body uses that fuel. We are living in an era riddled with chronic stress. This leaves us in a constant state of “fight or flight.” When in that state, your body cannot prioritize things like digestion and absorption because it’s flooded with adrenaline and cortisol while focusing on survival. Here are some guidelines on how to eat to start the journey of healing your relationship with food and, in the process, helping out your gut as well.
How to start healing our relationship with food:
Practice Mindful Eating
Mindful eating can come in many forms. It can be taking some deep breaths before your meal. Eating undistracted or slowing down your eating. Chewing your food a minimum of 30 times per bite. There are beautiful meditations you can do while you eat. I enjoy this one on days that pesky food anxiety pops up.
Stop Labelling Food
This takes practice, but the first step is awareness. Begin by observing your thoughts and unconscious judgments over specific foods. Notice them and then reframe them with a mantra like “food is fuel, and I am allowed to enjoy all variations of it.” Next, watch your language around food. When you find yourself saying things like “I can’t eat that…”. Pause and ask yourself, “can’t I or have I just not ever allowed myself to enjoy this food?” Then be curious to see if you even actually even enjoy this food or not and why you had this food rule before. Remind yourself that all foods can be part of a healthy and balanced diet.
Start introducing the foods previously labeled as “off limits” or “restricted”
I know it’s scary. But if we are going to heal our relationship with food, we have to go past not labeling certain foods as bad. We also must prove to ourselves that our fear is not based on truth.
Start small by incorporating this food into another snack or meal. For example, if you have previously avoided dairy in the past in fear it will give you diarrhea try enjoying that cheese slice with your bowl of fruit.
Notice those urges to binge on those foods that you previously restricted. Acknowledge that this is only because you told yourself it wasn’t allowed. Remind yourself that things have changed and that you don’t need to eat all the cheese now because you are allowed to have them anytime you feel like them and will never restrict yourself again. Practicing reintroduction slowly is the key when you have a sensitive tummy and past controlling thoughts around food sensitivities.
While this seems scary at first, it’s necessary to heal your relationship with all food and eradicate that food fear and anxiety that previously plagued you.
Try intuitive eating
(one meal or day at a time)
Intuitive eating scares anyone with a rocky past with food and their view of themselves. This is because we have learned and been conditioned not to trust ourselves. Through unhelpful methods like macro tracking, keto or elimination diets, we have reduced foods to something that either makes us feel bad or good. But your goal now is food freedom. A common fear is that if you left it up to your body, you’d eat junk food all day. Luckily this is a myth, and the more you practice listening and trusting your body, the more you start to realize your body is highly intelligent in the macro and micronutrients it needs.
Start slowly by asking yourself at just one meal – what is my body really craving? Close your eyes and take a breath to connect with your body. Whatever it is – allow yourself that food and enjoy it.
Once this feels less scary, start doing it at more meals and, eventually, for a whole Sunday. Eat exactly what you’ve been craving all day. After consistently practicing this, I started noticing I was craving green veggies, a salad, and even beans! On other days I really wanted something chocolatey and delicious, but I realized that my body just wanted to nourish itself and function optimally. And when I got out of my body’s way – it craved precisely what it needed to do just that.
Try box breathing and offering thanks before each meal starts
There is no right or wrong way to give thanks to the food you are about to eat but, the act of pausing and reflecting sets your body up for optimal digestion in a relaxed state. And no one will know you are giving thanks or practicing breathing techniques. Just 3 rounds of box breaths is plenty to have a positive effect.
Breathe out slowly, releasing all the air from your lungs.
Breathe in through your nose as you slowly count to four in your head. ...
Hold your breath for a count of four.
Exhale for another count of four.
Hold your breath again for a count of four.
Repeat for three to four rounds.
Notice If you're reaching for food when you're not hungry, ask yourself how you're feeling emotionally
Why are you reaching for comfort in the form of food? Could you find it elsewhere? Consider going for a walk outside, taking a hot bath, or calling up a friend instead. Noticing hunger can be tricky for some people. That’s normal. I suggest that if it hasn’t been more than 2.5 hours from your last meal that you drink 8 oz of water and wait 15 minutes. If you still aren’t sure after that if you are hungry or bored then grab a bite to eat!
Nourish Yourself (Your body and your soul)
Adequate nutrition and calories are the best way to prevent binge eating, excessive cravings, and constant thoughts about the symptoms your body may produce to a food. Your body and brain are hardwired to know where to get those much-needed calories for survival. And when you’re living your life trying to restrict your intake, it’s no wonder you crave those foods. You’re hungry! Craving an instant and easily digestible energy hit is your body looking out for you. When you’re eating an adequate amount and enjoying a balanced lifestyle, those cravings become less frequent and don’t result in a binge.
The reality is that if Medical doctors only receive a semester’s worth of training in nutrition, most everyday individuals are highly undereducated on how to nourish themselves. The beauty of coaching is that you fast-track your learning because we’ve done all the learning (and made all the mistakes) for you. Teaming up with someone to ensure you properly nourish your body is one of the best investments you can make.
By now, it’s also clear how complex your relationship to food is; another aspect I dive into with my clients is healing the emotional ties we have to ourselves and food because I understand what an essential piece of the puzzle this is.
I hope you found these tips helpful to start that journey to healing your relationship with food. Because this time of year should be about being present with yourself and focusing on intentions for a bright and joyful 2023. Don’t let your unhealed relationship with food steal precious moments any longer. You can do this!
I would love to hear your story and see how I can support and guide you to regain your optimal wellness! Email me at dawn.strength@strengthenwellness.com
